So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
