if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
