just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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