how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
