This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
