What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
