i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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