so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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