Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
