So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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