If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
