I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
