the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
