I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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