I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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