dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
