How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
