booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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