Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
