Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
