I wish I could punch you in the face.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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