he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
