Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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