so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How does one acquire holy water?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
