My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
