What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
