By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
