Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
whose ass print is on the piano?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
