i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
