wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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