I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
