We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
