i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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