You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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