i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
