I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
