We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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