dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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