I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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