Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
