I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
