i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
