found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
