You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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