so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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