I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
