my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize