After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
