Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
