I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
