There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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