I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
