actually, I'm a sock model
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
