Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
