My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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