Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
