My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
