Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
