Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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