great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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