you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize