he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
