i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
