That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think I am morally bankrupt
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
