can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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