Kareoke will never be a sober sport
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
