Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
