The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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