If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
