sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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