i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
