He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
