I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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