the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
