Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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