i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
