He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
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