I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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