She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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