there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
